Kansas City's Elderly Demand Google Fiber

The news of Kansas City's Google Fiber project has finally reached the elderly population. This past Sunday thousands of Kansas City's elderly were turned away from major grocery stores and informed that they didn't sell "Google Fiber." Oddly, many of the elderly don't believe them.

Now they're lining up outside of the city's grocery stores demanding access to what they believe is a cutting edge solution to digestive health. We've never seen anything like it. They have their fists in the air, bingo wings flapping, and wheezey, crackled chants of, "This Is What Digestive Health Looks Like!" can be heard every where.

City leaders have attempted to reason with the mob with analogies involving the internet, tubes, and bandwidth, but this enrage them further. Some individuals have started looting and a few have even attempted to defecate in a grocery store lobby, but just couldn't seem to get it done.

OK, that's enough. This pun has gone too far.